Chapter 20: Acupuncture, Relaxed Wanderer

The needles were thin and I could barely feel them go through my skin.  She used them on many parts of my body and I had some on my face; above my nose and on my forehead.  She was treating my depression symptoms and for pain in my lower back from a herniated disc.  I laid quietly listening to the music and completely relaxed.  It was a restful, rejuvenating experience.  After the half hour quiet time she came in, removed the needles, and rubbed Dragon Balm (an external analgesic) on my skin.  The balm was warm and then cool and the scent was invigorating.  (Dragon Balm can help relieve a headache.  I rub a small amount on my temples and it helps soothe the pain away.)

After my first acupuncture session I felt calm and looked forward to seeing if I would be able to come off antidepressant medication and feel good without it.  I had researched treating depression with acupuncture on the Internet and there were many case histories of it being successful.  I started lowering the dose of my antidepressant and began taking a combination of herbs called Relaxed Wanderer Formulation.

My first acupuncture appointment was in the month of July.  I was lowering my antidepressant dose extremely slowly because I have experienced withdrawal symptoms from every psychiatric medication I have stopped taking.  My acupuncture sessions were relaxing and enjoyable for about three months.  Then I started to notice my thinking was changing and I wasn't feeling as good.  Two more herbs were added to my regimen and I don't even remember what they were.  I started to write down how I was feeling and what I was thinking.

I no longer looked forward to my appointments.  The half hour quiet time seemed long and I felt anxious for my provider to come back into the room so I could leave.  I was hoping these feelings would pass and the acupuncture itself, and the herbs would begin to work.  I lost the desire to do things I usually enjoyed, things that were important to me lost their value, I felt tired and irritable, and began feeling I had never accomplished anything in my life.  These are depression symptoms for me, and I knew the acupuncture and herbs weren't working.  Soon after, thoughts of suicide plagued my mind and I knew I needed to go back on the antidepressant.  That is what I did the first part of December.

I was disappointed acupuncture did not help my depression symptoms, but I felt fortunate the antidepressant worked for me after going back on.  My doctor had warned me that for some patients the antidepressant doesn't "kick in" after restarting it.  Fortunately, acupuncture did work on the pain in my lower back.  After 4-5 treatments per month, for 5 months, my back was pain free.  It was agile and felt back to normal.  That outcome was welcomed! 

It was fascinating at first to feel the symptoms of depression returning.  I observed my thinking slowly changing.  Other things in my life during this time hadn't changed.  Without the help of the antidepressant the disease gradually took hold again and within five months the disease was in control.  By December the fascination had changed to misery!  The results of this experience did not talk me out of trying the amino acid therapy many years later.  At this point, I believe I will stay on antidepressant medication long term.

Last Friday morning I made the move up to 150 mg of Effexor XR.  The gradual rise of the dosage has seemed slow-paced, but I am still not feeling any side effects that are strong enough to bother me.  I was taking Effexor several years ago and the side effect of nausea never went away.  The medication was effective on my depression symptoms, but the nausea was constant and irritating so my doctor changed my antidepressant to Zoloft.  

My psychiatrist at the Amen Clinic believes I had a problem with nausea because I started on too high of a dose, and increased it too quickly.  I am relieved I have not felt nauseated.  I am taking approximately 19 mg of Luvox twice per day.  The tablets are getting smaller and smaller.

Normal Day, Please Hasten Your Arrival!

  

Chapter 3: Teaching Position, Major Depression

I had accepted a teaching position at an elementary school and it would be time to start my new career the first part of August. We had a short family trip planned before I went back to teaching. We drove to Aspen, Colorado to see Pat Benatar perform. The concert was sensational!  (Pat Benatars new book will be available on amazon.com June 15, 2010:  Between a Heart and a Rock Place: A Memoir.  You can check it out on a link in my Books and DVDs, I Recommend widget.)

I did not feel well on the trip. My back ached from sitting in the car too long, I felt tired, had a headache, and a feeling of dread. The night before we planned to come home I woke up during the night shaking with my first panic attack. I felt as if I would die if I could not get out of the hotel room! How was I going to soothe myself without waking everybody up? I took some clonazepam, turned on a flashlight, and started writing thank you notes for the flowers we had received when dad passed away. I survived the night.

I started teaching and tried hard to get into the routine of working full time. I was feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. At night I would dream I had forgotten to do something for dad, but it wasn't true. One Friday night my husband and I went out to dinner. I felt sick and miserable and wanted to go to bed. The next day I was pretty sure I had a sinus infection and went in to see a doctor. The sinus infection was confirmed, and I admitted to myself the amino acids were not effective anymore and major depression had returned. Perhaps I would have recognized it earlier if I had not been grieving at the time. I don't know.

I knew it would take six to eight weeks to begin feeling better after starting on an antidepressant. I was too sick to be the kind of teacher my students deserved. I decided it was in the best interest of the children in my class to resign. This was a hard decision to make. I felt disappointed, unprofessional, and angry at a disease I had battled before. I started back on Zoloft and the sinus infection slowly healed.

I felt good enough to attend my son's MBA graduation in Arizona. Actually, I don't think I felt good enough, but I was going anyway. Zoloft had given me a partial response to the depression symptoms, but I did not feel as well on the medication as I had previously. It was wonderful to spend time with my family, and I came back home with a renewed motivation to get feeling better.

Chapter 1: Depression, Amen Clinics, Amino Acids

I was hit with postpartum depression after the birth of my first son in 1981. I am 56 years old, and my name is Kathy. If you have experience with depression, my heart goes out to you with compassion.

I recently returned from the Amen Clinic in Newport Beach, California. I first saw Daniel Amen, M.D. on PBS. He was talking about the brain and taking SPECT (Single Photon Emission Computed Tomography) scans of the brain before prescribing treatment for depression and other psychiatric diseases. This was interesting to me because I knew my brain wasn't functioning correctly, and I had been suffering with treatment resistant depression for about a year and a half. Having more information to base treatment on sounded like a good idea to me! I did not have much hope left for feeling well again. Find out more at:  http://www.amenclincs.com/.  This is what led me to the Amen Clinic.

Daniel G. Amen, M.D.:

On December 7, 2007, I started lowering my dose of Zoloft, and began taking amino acids to treat the depression. The process was going well until the day after Christmas. Withdrawal symptoms of nausea, headaches, and anxiety were powerful. I decided I had lowered the dose too quickly and increased the amount of medication.

During the months of January through May 2008, I felt withdrawal symptoms as I slowly cut the Zoloft tablets into smaller pieces. The amount of amino acids taken by most people to help them feel better was not effective for me. I took a urine sample out to the main FedEx Shipping Center (FedEx Kinko's could not accept this package) and it traveled to a lab out of state.

After we received the lab results, my amino acids were changed and increased. This process of urine samples, lab results, and change in amino acids happened several times in those five months. There were many times I questioned what I was doing. I felt sick, but I was so far into the therapy I had to see if it was going to help! Towards the end of May I was off Zoloft and the withdrawal symptoms were ending. It was hard to get the 24 pills of amino acids down each day, but they were working on the depression symptoms.