Chapter 23: Angry At The Disease

I am angry at the disease depression and I need to put the reasons why in writing.

I am tired of:

having withdrawal symptoms from every psychiatric medication I have stopped taking.

having side effects from every psychiatric medication I have started.

having to wait 4-8 weeks to see if a medication is going to be effective.

needing medications that are expensive.

having a psychiatrist who tried 15 different drug combinations in a year and a half with few results; and then didn't support me after I went to the Amen Clinic for help.

"traditional psychiatrists" using an educated guess in determining which medication would be effective for me.  They decided after hearing my list of symptoms.  Other medical fields look at the organ they are treating.

letting things I need to do just sit. 

having everything I do take so much effort.

having to put my life on hold because I don't feel like doing anything. 

having thoughts that come from a brain not functioning correctly, not from anything real.

having things that were important to me lose their value. 

not having any energy. 

not finding pleasure doing things I used to enjoy.

not feeling well enough to attend activities.

my body not creating enough neurotransmitters on its own.

people I love having to deal with this disease.

having a genetic predisposition for depression.

not having advanced medical care in the treatment of depression where I live.  I needed to go to another state.

families and friends losing someone they love because of suicide.

depression causing extreme misery.

available technology not being used with every patient it could help.  SPECT Brain Scans and the research that goes with them gives a psychiatrist more information to diagnose and treat psychiatric disorders.  The Amen Clinics have been using this technology for about 10 years.

Information from, The UltraMind Solution, by Mark Hyman, M.D.

Taken from pages 11 and 12; book published in 2009

• Psychiatric disorders affect 26 percent of our adult population or more than 60 million Americans.
• More than 20 percent of children have some type of psychiatric disorder.
• More than 40 million people have anxiety.
• More than 20 million people have depression.
• One in ten Americans takes an antidepressant.
• The use of antidepressants has tripled in the last decade.
• In 2006, expenditures on antidepressants soared to over $1.9 billion.
• Psychiatric disorders like depression and anxiety are expensive.  They are among the top five most costly medical conditions, including heart disease, cancer, trauma, and lung disorders.  The cost to our health-care system exceeds $200 billion a year, which is over 12 percent of total health-care spending.
• Alzheimer's disease will affect 30 percent (and some experts say 50 percent) of people over eighty-five years old, which is the fastest-growing segment of the population.  It will affect 16 million people by 2050.
• Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a label we now give 8.7 percent of children between the ages of eight and fifteen.
• More than 8 million, or one in ten, children now take stimulant medications like methylphenidate (Ritalin).
• Autism rates have increased from 3 in 10,000 children to 1 in 166 children--an elevenfold  increase--over the last decade.
• Learning disabilities affect between 5 and 10 percent of school-age children.
• The indirect costs of all these broken brains to society are mammoth.  They include loss of productivity at school, home, or in the workplace, accounting for a loss of over $80 billion a year. 

Thanks for reading.  My heart goes out to everyone who is angry and tired of depression!

Chapter 22: Serotonin, Deep Limbic System

"Depression is known to be caused by a deficit of certain neuro-chemicals or neurotransmitters, especially norephinephrine and serotonin.  In my experience, this deficit can cause increased metabolism or inflammation in the deep limbic system, which in turn causes many of the problems associated with depression. . .  Because the deep limbic system is intimately tied to moods, when it is overactive the ensuing problems with depression snowball and affect all the other deep limbic system functions."

Daniel G. Amen, M.D.; From the book, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life:  The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness, page 47

FUNCTIONS OF THE DEEP LIMBIC SYSTEM  (page 37)

• sets the emotional tone of the mind
• filters external events through internal states (creates emotional coloring)
• tags events as internally important
• stores highly charged emotional memories
• modulates motivation
• controls appetite and sleep cycles
• promotes bonding
• directly processes the sense of smell
• modulates libido 

 

PROBLEMS IN THE DEEP LIMBIC SYSTEM  (page 43)

• moodiness, irritability, clinical depression
• increased negative thinking
• negative perception of events
• decreased motivation
• flood of negative emotions
• appetite and sleep problems
• decreased or increased sexual responsiveness
• social isolation

"We thought that excessive activity in the part of the brain that controlled emotion might correlate with enhanced feelings of all kinds, not solely negative ones.  Yet we noticed, again and again, that when this area was overactive on SPECT, it correlated with the subject's depression and negativity.  It seems that when the deep limbic system is inflamed, painful emotional shading results.  New research on depression from other laboratories around the world has borne this out."  (page 39)

     SPECT Brain Scans 3D Active View

                      White arrows are pointing to the Deep Limbic System/Thalamus areas

These scans show hyperactive areas in the brain.  A normal scan shows increased activity in the front of the brain, the cerebellum, with all else being relatively quiet. 

NORMAL SPECT BRAIN SCANS

Scans are from the Amen Clinics

I believe my body does not make enough serotonin, and other neurotransmitters, because of a genetic predisposition.  The incidence of depression is high on both sides of my parents families.  The information on page 105 in, The UltraMind Solution, by Mark Hyman, MD was interesting to me.  He says the activity of any neurotransmitter can malfunction is some way.  Below are some of the reasons why serotonin levels go down.  I want to do all I can to help my antidepressant assist my body in creating more serotonin.

1.  A tryptophan-deficient or low-protein diet.  Tryptophan is the primary amino acid out of which serotonin is created.  No tryptophan equals no serotonin equals a very unhappy mood.  In fact, studies show that if you feed a group of people a mixture of amino acids without tryptophan you can induce depression within hours! 

2.  Stress and high cortisol levels (the stress hormone).  Cortisol increases the activity of enzymes that break down tryptophan.  That leaves less around to make serotonin.

3.  Anything that causes inflammation (such as food allergies, infections, toxins, or a high-sugar diet).  Inflammatory messenger molecules called cytokines such as interferon gamma stimulate the enzymes TDO and IDO, which break down tryptophan and force it into a pathway that makes the excitatory neurotransmitter glutamate, which kills brain cells.

4.  Simply not making enough serotonin.  This happens for many reasons.  You may not have enough of the building blocks (the amino-acid tryptophan) because you eat too much sugar and not enough protein as suggested above, or you may have genetic predispositions that make it more difficult for you to create the neurotransmitter in the first place.  Those who have an SNP (single nucleotide polymorphism) or genetic variation of the enzyme THP2 have an 80 percent reduction in ability to make serotonin.

5.  Blood-sugar imbalances (insulin resistance or prediabetes).  This condition comes from eating a processed-food, high-sugar diet.  It depletes your serotonin after a short spike, leading to mood swings.

6.  You may be deficient in vitamin B-6. B-6 is the helper or catalyst for the enzyme that converts tryptophan into serotonin.  Deficiency in B-6 is often caused by stress, alcohol, and medications like birth-control pills.

7.  Magnesium deficiency.  This is so common in our society because stress, caffeine, sugar, and alcohol all deplete magnesium, which in turn prevents the body from making serotonin.

Chapter 21: Healing A "Broken Brain"

"Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen 

and thinking what nobody has thought."

                               

                                                            Albert Von Szent-Gyorgyi Nagyr

                                                               Nobel Laureate in Physiology and Medicine

                                                                 The scientist who isolated vitamin C

Mark Hyman, M.D., author of, The UltraMind Solution, states on page 7, "Your brain is broken.  You know it.  You feel it.  You hide it.  You fear it.  You have been touched by an epidemic.  It deprives children of their future, the elderly of their past, and adults of their present.

No one is talking about this invisible epidemic.  Yet it's the leading cause of disability, affects 1.1 billion people worldwide---one in six children, one in two elderly---and will cripple one in four people during their lifetime.

I am talking about the epidemic of broken brains.

We refer to our "broken brains" by many names---depression, anxiety, memory loss, brain fog, attention deficit disorder or ADD, autism, and dementia to name a few.

This epidemic of brain breakdown shows up in radically different ways from person to person so that they all seem like separate problems.  But the truth is that they are all manifestations of a few common underlying root causes.

These seemingly different disorders are all really the same problem---imbalances in the seven keys to UltraWellness.

Dr. Mark Hyman on Good Morning America, January 16, 2009

Interviewed by Jeremy Hubbard, abc News

Dr. Hyman has seen many of his patients heal their broken brains by treating their bodies.  He believes brain problems are found in the biology of your whole body.  He has found brain disorders are almost always systemic disorders, and the cure will be found outside the brain and in your body.

Dr. Hyman also believes some people may have a genetic predisposition making it more difficult for their bodies to create neurotransmitters.  This is true even if these people are applying the changes suggested in The Seven Keys to UltraWellness.  I think I am probably one of these people.  The Seven Keys to UltraWellness made so much sense to me I wanted to implement them.  I believed they would contribute to helping me feel better, even if they didn't "heal" my depression.  

On page 387, Dr. Hyman says, "As a former emergency room physician, I recognize that extreme times call for extreme measures.  I use and support the intelligent, appropriate use of medication, including psychotropic medications when needed.  They can often be helpful as a bridge for recovery from all the stresses and toxins that affect our brain and mind.

It may take months or years to heal from damage that has occurred over a lifetime.  In extreme cases, the damage may be so deep that full recovery is not possible using the UltraMind Solution (although most see remarkable results in a few weeks).  In some cases, combining medication with the tools of the UltraMind Solution can give people their lives back."

When I first started reading, The UltraMind Solution, I wondered if Dr. Hyman believed every person could heal their "broken brain" by treating their body systems.  If you choose to read the book and read the first 75 pages you may wonder the same thing.  I included the information above because I didn't want that thought to detract from the brilliance of the book.

I love this book, and in the coming chapters of my blog I am going to share more information of The Seven Keys to UltraWellness and how they have made my life better.

On Monday morning I raised the dose of Effexor XR to 187.5 mg.  After lowering the dose of Luvox when I began 150 mg of Effexor XR, I had some depression symptoms return.  So I went back on 25 mg two times a day.  I am staying on that dosage until I feel Effexor XR improving the depression symptoms.  I did not feel any side effects from Effexor XR until several days into taking 150 mg.

"For the great enemy of truth is very often not the lie---deliberate, contrived, and dishonest---but the myth---persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.  Too often we hold fast to the cliches of our forbears.  We subject all facts to a prefabricated set of interpretations.  We enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought."

John F. Kennedy

Chapter 20: Acupuncture, Relaxed Wanderer

The needles were thin and I could barely feel them go through my skin.  She used them on many parts of my body and I had some on my face; above my nose and on my forehead.  She was treating my depression symptoms and for pain in my lower back from a herniated disc.  I laid quietly listening to the music and completely relaxed.  It was a restful, rejuvenating experience.  After the half hour quiet time she came in, removed the needles, and rubbed Dragon Balm (an external analgesic) on my skin.  The balm was warm and then cool and the scent was invigorating.  (Dragon Balm can help relieve a headache.  I rub a small amount on my temples and it helps soothe the pain away.)

After my first acupuncture session I felt calm and looked forward to seeing if I would be able to come off antidepressant medication and feel good without it.  I had researched treating depression with acupuncture on the Internet and there were many case histories of it being successful.  I started lowering the dose of my antidepressant and began taking a combination of herbs called Relaxed Wanderer Formulation.

My first acupuncture appointment was in the month of July.  I was lowering my antidepressant dose extremely slowly because I have experienced withdrawal symptoms from every psychiatric medication I have stopped taking.  My acupuncture sessions were relaxing and enjoyable for about three months.  Then I started to notice my thinking was changing and I wasn't feeling as good.  Two more herbs were added to my regimen and I don't even remember what they were.  I started to write down how I was feeling and what I was thinking.

I no longer looked forward to my appointments.  The half hour quiet time seemed long and I felt anxious for my provider to come back into the room so I could leave.  I was hoping these feelings would pass and the acupuncture itself, and the herbs would begin to work.  I lost the desire to do things I usually enjoyed, things that were important to me lost their value, I felt tired and irritable, and began feeling I had never accomplished anything in my life.  These are depression symptoms for me, and I knew the acupuncture and herbs weren't working.  Soon after, thoughts of suicide plagued my mind and I knew I needed to go back on the antidepressant.  That is what I did the first part of December.

I was disappointed acupuncture did not help my depression symptoms, but I felt fortunate the antidepressant worked for me after going back on.  My doctor had warned me that for some patients the antidepressant doesn't "kick in" after restarting it.  Fortunately, acupuncture did work on the pain in my lower back.  After 4-5 treatments per month, for 5 months, my back was pain free.  It was agile and felt back to normal.  That outcome was welcomed! 

It was fascinating at first to feel the symptoms of depression returning.  I observed my thinking slowly changing.  Other things in my life during this time hadn't changed.  Without the help of the antidepressant the disease gradually took hold again and within five months the disease was in control.  By December the fascination had changed to misery!  The results of this experience did not talk me out of trying the amino acid therapy many years later.  At this point, I believe I will stay on antidepressant medication long term.

Last Friday morning I made the move up to 150 mg of Effexor XR.  The gradual rise of the dosage has seemed slow-paced, but I am still not feeling any side effects that are strong enough to bother me.  I was taking Effexor several years ago and the side effect of nausea never went away.  The medication was effective on my depression symptoms, but the nausea was constant and irritating so my doctor changed my antidepressant to Zoloft.  

My psychiatrist at the Amen Clinic believes I had a problem with nausea because I started on too high of a dose, and increased it too quickly.  I am relieved I have not felt nauseated.  I am taking approximately 19 mg of Luvox twice per day.  The tablets are getting smaller and smaller.

Normal Day, Please Hasten Your Arrival!

  

Chapter 19: Effexor XR, Enlightened Relationships

I Can See a Normal Day in the Distance!

Last Wednesday I raised the dose of Effexor XR to 112.5 mg, and lowered the dose of Luvox to 25 mg two times per day.  I am feeling a shaky optimism. The changes are subtle, but I am feeling a little bit better; less fatigue, more energy, more desire to do things (especially in the late afternoon and evenings).  I'm not telling anyone but you. :)  This would be a gigantic breakthrough for me if I continue to feel more relief from my symptoms!

The disease of depression has taken a huge emotional toll on me.  Having everything in life be an effort is draining.  If you have been reading my blog, you already know I love the books, The Power of Now, and A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle.  Prayer and the concepts in these books have not only helped me survive, but taught me skills that have helped with my healing.  These skills have helped me feel some happiness and joy, even though I am depressed.  I have talked about these concepts a lot in previous chapters of my blog.

The section on enlightened relationships in, The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle was extremely insightful for me, and a relief.  I will explain why.

In Chapter 8, page 159, Tolle says, "Never before have relationships been as problematic and conflict ridden as they are now.  As you may have noticed, they are not here to make you happy or fulfilled.  If you continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again.  But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world.  For those who hold on to the old patterns, there will be increasing pain, violence, confusion, and madness."

I talked about Tolle's definition of salvation in Chapter 18; here is a quick review.  "True salvation is fulfillment, peace, life in all its fullness.  True salvation is a state of freedom --- from fear, from suffering, from a perceived state of lack and insufficiency and therefore from all wanting, needing, grasping, and clinging."   My definition of salvation used to be having eternal life after I die.  Tolle's definition has broadened my perspective.  I believe eternal life will offer me all of the things mentioned in Tolle's definition of salvation; but I have started to feel a taste of "salvation" here on earth.  I have a strong desire to change my thinking, live in the Now, stay in my inner being or higher self, control my mind --- ego --- and pain-body, and not let the past or future be the focus of my life.  These are my goals as the depression heals.

I believe I am the only person that has the power to make me happy.  There is not a relationship in my life that can do it for me!  My relationships give me the opportunity to learn and practice the skills I mentioned above.  Tolle's teaching of these ideas was enlightening to me and a big relief. 

In Chapter 8, pages 147-148, Tolle explains, "Unless and until you access the consciousness frequency of presence, all relationships, and particularly intimate relationships, are deeply flawed and ultimately dysfunctional.  They may seem perfect for a while, such as when you are "in love", but invariably that apparent perfection gets disrupted as arguments, conflicts, dissatisfaction, and emotional or even physical violence occur with increasing frequency.  It seems that most 'love relationships' become love/hate relationships before long.  Love can then turn into savage attack, feelings of hostility, or complete withdrawal of affection at the flick of a switch.  This is considered normal.

The relationship then oscillates for a while, a few months or a few years, between the polarities of 'love' and hate, and it gives you as much pleasure as it gives you pain.  It is not uncommon for couples to become addicted to those cycles.  Their drama makes them feel alive.  When a balance between the positive/negative polarities is lost and the negative, destructive cycles occur with increasing frequency and intensity, which tends to happen sooner or later, then it will not be long before the relationship finally collapses."

Page 152, . . . "Intimate relationships do not cause pain and unhappiness.  They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.  Every addiction does that.  Every addiction reaches a point where it does not work for you anymore, and then you feel the pain more intensely than ever."

Page 153-154, . . . "You can change an addictive relationship into a true one by being present and intensifying your presence by taking your attention ever more deeply into the Now:  Whether you are living alone or with a partner, this remains the key.  For love to flourish, the light of your presence needs to be strong enough so that you no longer get taken over by the thinker or the pain-body and mistake them for who you are.  To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment.  To disidentify from the pain-body is to bring presence into the pain and thus transmute it.  To disidentify from thinking is to be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior, especially the repetitive patterns of your mind and the roles played by the ego."

Page 160-161, "If you both agree that the relationship will be your spiritual practice, so much the better.  You can then express your thoughts and feelings to each other as soon as they occur, or as soon as a reaction comes up, so that you do not create a time gap in which an unexpressed or unacknowledged emotion or grievance can fester and grow.  Learn to give expression to what you feel without blaming.  Learn to listen to your partner in an open, nondefensive way.  Give your partner space for expressing himself or herself.  Be present.  Accusing, defending, attacking --- all those patterns that are designed to strengthen or protect the ego or to get its needs met will then become redundant.

Giving space to others --- and to yourself --- is vital.  Love cannot flourish without it.  When you have removed the two factors that are destructive to relationships --- when the pain-body has been transmuted and you are no longer identified with mind and mental positions --- and if your partner has done the same, you will experience the bliss of the flowering of relationship.  Instead of mirroring to each other your pain and your unconsciousness, instead of satisfying your mutual addictive ego needs, you will reflect back to each other the love that you feel deep within, the love that comes with the realization of your oneness with all that is.  This is the love that has no opposite."

What a challenge for me!